Bereavement Support In Walnut Creek City, California
Grief and bereavement cover a wide spectrum of emotions, from deep sadness to anger. The process of coming to terms with a severe loss varies greatly from person to person. It is frequently determined by a person’s background, beliefs and relationship to the loss.
When someone we care about dies suddenly, we are left with intense feelings of loss and sorrow, which we refer to as bereavement. When a child dies, it is exceptionally tragic and it is often described as the most painful experience a person can have.
Due to the sudden nature of the death, you may also experience great shock and trauma. All of these factors might make you feel fully overwhelmed, as well as alone and lost. Whatever your views and feelings are, bereavement is a very personal process that has no defined time limit and affects everyone differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; your emotions may seem weird at times, alternating between crying and laughter.
Although there may be periods of calm, it can be a turbulent time. Intense emotions that appeared to be fading can return. You might be confused or find it difficult to make decisions or focus for long periods of time. Even if you are able to sleep, you may still be tired. People who are bereaved may worry that they are going insane.
Many parents report that their child is constantly on their minds, that their arms hurt and that they hear their child cry. Some people feel compelled to continue with their regular childcare duties.
Parents frequently replay in their minds everything they did or did not do that they believe contributed to the death. They may blame themselves or each other or they may be angry by the doctor, health visitor or anybody else who has lately seen the child. These sentiments of guilt and blame are normal and they will fade over time.
If you are able speak with someone. Someone from outside the family can help you work through your concerns and questions.
Almost every bereaved parent experiences anger at some point. Parents may find that crying and shouting in an open environment or exercising such as walking/running/jogging are good outlets for their anger.
Some people begin to question or doubt their religious beliefs. It’s also very uncommon to have anxiety or fear for the safety of other family members.
It is critical that you inform someone about your feelings if you are having trouble imagining yourself continuing, if you are having suicidal thoughts or if you are considering hurting yourself. If you don’t want to talk to your loved ones or friends you can call The Melodia Care helpline, which is dedicated to bereaved parents and family members.
Allow yourself to grieve. Be kind with yourself and don’t try to block your feelings with drugs or alcohol; this will just delay the healing process.
Take each moment as it comes, don’t plan too far ahead and congratulate yourself for completing each day.
Common Feelings
The pain of losing a child is described by most parents as the most severe they have ever felt. You could question if you’ll be able to tolerate it and survive it or if you’ll ever feel alive again.
During the first few weeks after your child’s death, you may feel as if you are operating in total darkness. Some parents say they were merely observers during their children’s funerals or that they were not emotionally involved at all.
Birthdays, holidays and death anniversaries can all bring on severe pain and suffering. All of these are typical replies. You and your partner may have different reactions to grieving and have difficulties discussing your feelings. Even though you are part of a partnership, you may feel lonely. One of you may want to talk about your child frequently, while the other may not want to hear their baby’s name mentioned at all.
One mum told The Melodia Care:
“He didn’t want to talk about it because that was his way of coping, whereas I wanted to keep talking about our child all the time to keep his name on people’s minds. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and there he was, sleeping away his troubles. The loss of our baby put a huge burden on our relationship but it ultimately brought us closer together. To separate us now, an atomic weapon would be required.”
One Dad Said:
“We deal with it in various ways — she grieved while I didn’t. I became overwhelmed by the responsibility of supporting my wife and children while also attempting to cope with my own emotions.”
Following the death of a child, friends and family frequently approach parents differently. “How is your wife?” people frequently inquire of fathers and don’t ask, “How are you doing?”
Fathers may believe it is their responsibility to discourage looking back and encourage looking forward. Men frequently decline help or fail to seek for assistance when it is needed.
The connection between your parents may suffer even more as one of you may find comfort in physical contact while the other does not. You might have diverse feelings about making love or having another child.
It’s easy to misinterpret each other’s reactions (for example, one partner may believe that the other’s approach of expressing grief indicates that they loved their child less strongly), so be open and honest about your own needs and feelings, acknowledging that each person’s response is valid.
Couples who can appreciate one other’s diverse grief styles generally find it easier to talk, share and support each other over time.
If You Are On Your Own
The sudden and unexpected death of a child can be especially painful for a single parent.
According to one mother, who spoke to The Melodia Care:
“When you don’t have a partner with whom to share the death of a beloved child, it’s tough to express the loneliness that comes with grieving. The responsibility is now completely yours to bear. You appear to be driving into your own dark world, oblivious to the rest of the world. All you want is someone to comfort you on restless nights, hold you and wipe your tears away and share memories with you. When you’re on your own, it’s so simple to fall apart.”
In times of need, many parents turn to their own parents for help but some parents have no family to rely on. You might benefit from the Melodia Care Bereavement Support. We can connect you with a Befriender, who is a bereaved parent, who can help you talk through some of the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing. To speak directly, call Melodia Care on +1-888-635-6347.
You may find this helpful immediately upon your child’s death, or months or years later.
If you don’t feel like talking, keeping a journal or writing letters may be beneficial. Melodia Care received the following message from a mother:
“I used to write Him letters on a regular basis. I still have those letters, and while I don’t write them anymore, I do read them.”
Even if you are not living alone, writing such letters to your child may be beneficial.
Life After Your Child’s Death
The death of a child alters the dreams and hopes that parents have for their children’s future.
One Dad Said:
“I miss my son for the things we didn’t do together as much as for the things we did. The basic way in which his death has changed and continues to change us is what has struck me the most these days. Although he was only with us for five months, I doubt anyone else will have had such an impact on our lives.”
People may tell you that you should be ‘over it’ at some point. For a bereaved parent, this is a meaningless idea, therefore don’t let others tell you that you should be moving on.
You will make your own decisions about what helps you cope and move on, with the help of friends and relatives and possibly a chat with a Melodia Care bereavement support counsellor. When you’re feeling particularly down or if you’re tempted to use alcohol, pills or narcotics to temporarily numb your grief, it’s usually always a good idea to talk things through.
A bereavement of this nature may cause you to rethink your objectives or your perspective on life.
As one mother said:
“Grief has made me smarter and brighter in the future. Whatever comes your way, you know you can handle it; nothing will ever be that horrible for you again. I will always remember my son and I am grateful to have had such an angel in my life.”
Finding Support
It can be really beneficial to talk about your child’s death. Many people seek comfort from close relatives and friends but you can also speak with your doctor, health visitor or the nurse who worked with your kid.
If your child has died, you may believe that no one can understand your feelings but emotional support can help you get through the difficult times.
Melodia Care provides a support line for bereaved families, caregivers and professionals who work with bereaved families, as well as anybody who is worried about or affected by the death of a baby or small child. The Helpline is staffed by specially experienced counsellors, and your call will be individually answered.
You can reach us at any time by contacting us through our 24/7 online customer support chat or by calling 1-888 635-6347 (MELODI-7) Melodia Care Hospice.